Damage Control from divorce

Okay, so you've arrived and no doubt wish you were looking for other types of information, right? But you are here, and it may be that you'll need some answers and guidance on divorce. We hope that if we can do anything to help you, that we lead you in such a way that your experience with the divorce process will be one of grace and wisdom.

Whether you find yourself here because you initiated a separation, or your spouse has said or done things that make the likelihood of divorce a reality now, you're here, and it hurts. As the title of this article suggests, you must manage the damage this process does to you, you must protect any children of the marriage and limit the pain to those that suffer collateral damage. It is not by accident that we use military terms to describe what you are about to go through.

Now this is going to feel like being pulled in two new directions in addition to you trying to manage a life. One new direction will be the divorce Legal & Financial path. You will have to deal with your attorney, help manage your case, discuss difficult and/or painful memories with that attorney, and make decisions about your future single status that may have been unfathomable not long ago. You will need to access money or assets so you can afford your half of the legal fees, or worse, force your spouse through court orders to pay your legal fees.

The second new direction you will take is one of Emotional and Personal Discovery and Recovery. You will likely have to experience the Stages of Grief (or mourning). They may not happen for you in this order, but they will likely happen for you: denial/anger, depression, withdrawal, acceptance and recovery.

You may feel like you will never recover. It may seem like it will never end, or get better. You might even ask people if it ever ends. This funk can last a couple of years, or longer, but you need to know that it will end. IT WILL get better.

In order to get through this difficult time, you will need a new understanding of your past, present and future (the Knowledge), and the Support of one or more people that truly understand what it means to go through a divorce.

Knowledge- You will need to understand as completely as possible why your marriage failed, and what role you played in its demise, why you choose partners the way you do (which isn't necessarily negative), how much you know or don't know about the language differences between men and women, and how to approach future relationships.

Support-   Only people that have been through divorce (or counseling professionals) will understand what you're going through. Relatives and friends will want some distance between your divorce and them (not necessarily a distance from you-but your divorce). Some people will choose sides, others won't know what to say, and still others may offer some advice. With any luck, you'll find one person you can talk to that won't add to your pain.

You may know that you can use the chat room here on this site. Most people that chat either are going through a divorce now or have finished one, and understand. The chat is busiest during the late afternoon and evening. We recommend if you log in and not find anyone there, that you leave your name in there and use another browser window while waiting for others to arrive. Be sure to turn up the volume on your computer, as there is a doorbell when new people join the chat.

Have you visited the Bookstore yet? We feature a series of books on all things divorce, support and recovery. Clicking on the book images takes you directly to Amazon.com™.

We believe that acquiring the knowledge needed to manage and survive this nightmare is essential to your future and happiness. We believe that removing uncertainty reduces anxiety and therefore your stress level. Look through the selection of books. Buy a handful. Most are around $10.00. If you spent $50.00 or even more, and were able to manage this process well, would it be worth it? We think so. We promise if you read any of these books you will understand better, feel better than you have in years, and feel more equipped to face the future.

Click the browser back arrow to return to the previous page or use the navigation above