•Mistakes
are expected. They offer an opportunity for growth
and learning. They must be acknowledged, discussed,
and learned from. Doing this sets a great example.
•Becoming a grandparent
involves a great deal of personal growth.
•Grandparenting
involves a direct relationship with a grandchild
and a supportive role with parents. •Grandchildren
are a gift from parent to grandparent
Mistakes Grandparents
Make Within Themselves:
•That
becoming a grandparent makes one a new person;
that having a grandchild transforms a new grandparent
in terms of identity, roles and relationships.
Not recognizing that changes take place within
the grandparent’s psyche and with their
relationship to the new parent, especially their
own child.
Remedy: prepare for grandparenthood
by self-examination and family discussion. Discuss
the new, three-generational family with new parents.
•What
being a grandparent is all about; what parents
and grandchildren need. Remedy:
review one’s experience as a grandchild,
experiencing one’s own parents as grandparents,
assess social attitudes toward grandparenting.
•That
grandparenting requires growth and learning.
Changes in personality and attitude are necessary
to be an effective grandparent. Remedy:
humility and self-examination, asking family
members to comment on behaviors, identify what
attitudes and traits need to be worked on.
Mistakes Grandparents Make With Grandchild’s
Parents.
•Not listening to
parents and respecting their right to make their
own mistakes and learn from them. Not understanding
the insecurities of new parents and being controlling,
bossy, critical, judgmental, non-supportive: Remedy: work
on being kind, understanding, compassionate,
non-judgmental, supportive, loving and caring.
•Not
communicating openly with new parents. Not offering
leadership concerning the family as a "team," and
setting a positive example.
Remedy: be the communication
center of your family. Hold regular family meetings
to assess family members' needs and develop coping
strategies. Show children and grandchildren how
to be excellent grandparents. |
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•Not being personally
in balance as far as priorities are concerned,
thus not being available when needed: Remedy:
realign personal priorities-- roles as individual,
worker, parent, grandparent, child, spouse etc.
-- to include time for grandparenting.
•Not
putting oneself in parents' shoes to understand
their experience.
Remedy: spend time alone with
all family members and share their world; visit
their worksite, organizations and activities that
interest them, know their friends, etc. Mistakes
Grandparents Make With Grandchildren.
•Staying
a parent and not becoming a grandparent; Remedy: understand
the difference between what parents and grandparent
do.
•Not
understanding their importance to their grandchildren; Remedy:
respecting and understanding the importance of
how grandchildren view their grandparents.
•Not
spending one-to-one time alone with grandchildren;
not giving a grandchild personal attention,
especially when parents or others are around. Remedy:
understanding the strong need grandchildren
have to absorb their grandparent’s
essence and legacy, and planning time to allow
this to happen.
•Worrying
about entertaining their grandchildren. Remedy:
understanding the concept of "unconditional
love." Learning
to be relaxed with grandchildren and understanding
that this is a spontaneous, relaxed, "being" relationship.
•Not
sharing the grandchild’s world; Remedy:
attend the grandchild’s school, visit the
doctor, take the child to events and places, know
his/her friends, learn new technology.
•Not
keeping in constant contact with grandchildren,
not understanding that children live in the now
and that they grow and change every day. Remedy: keep up-to-date. Use whatever is available to
keep in constant touch with the grandchild, phone,
fax, E-Mail. Send pictures, videos, and voice
tapes. Schedule one-to-one get-togethers as much
as possible.
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