How To Know if Your Partner
is Cheating - One Female Perspective, by Sara
Valor
When you are in love and you are faithful to the one you love, generally, you expect the same from that partner. Sometimes they even promise not to cheat, whether you are married or not. Loyalty and faithfulness is an important part of many relationships.
Sometimes it is not so easy to learn how to know if your partner is cheating. Sometimes there are little red flags that you may notice, such as excuses of working longer hours, having to go in early to work or you may even notice a bit of change in the attitude from that of being attentive and loving to that of indifference or even violence in some cases. However, you should keep in mind that just because your partner is working late or having to clock in early does not mean that they are cheating on you. There are various signs that you can look for from the classic lipstick on the collar or the scent of a strange perfume
on the body or clothing. Actually, the list of various signs of a cheating partner can fill a book. Since everyone is different, they will all have different habits and mannerisms. Many times it is the unusual that is the clearest sign if
a partner is cheating on you.
However, for this article, this is one female perspective of how to know if your partner is cheating. Therefore, I will let you know how I found out about this particular type of situation for me and my now ex-husband of seventeen years. Meaning I got rid of him seventeen years ago.
We had only been married, happily I thought for just a little better than two years when I typed my own divorce papers and paid $30.00 for my divorce. Yes, you can do that if you know how to type them up. Thank goodness for taking legal transcription while going to college. I did not need the lawyer, just the judge. There were no children to support and no property to be divided, it was quick and
easy for me to honestly answer the judge that I no longer loved my husband, that there was no hope for reconciliation and that I was not pregnant. Simple and easy, sign the dotted line and got my maiden name back and my freedom. Since asking for a divorce for adultery is a bit more complicated, detailed and costly than that of irreconcilable differences, this was my choice of reason for the divorce decree.
However, what brought me to this conclusion of my marriage to that man was not so simple and definitely not easy, so let us go back in time a bit.
After being married about a year and a half, he began coming home from work I thought, and then he would begin accusing me of cheating on him, or having a man over while he was gone. This was not true, I took my marriage vows seriously and I loved the man. I had no thought or desire for any other man. The thought had never even occurred to me and since I was a stay and take care of the home wife, the only few times I left the house without him, I would go somewhere with my mother or sister.
To make matters worse, he would not only accuse me of infidelity, he would also beat me with his fists and then kick me with his boots on when he had me beat down to the floor. Just before this he had been switched from the morning shift to the evening shift and would tell me he had to work late from time to time. However, what he was doing during the extra time he said he was working a bit late was stopping by another woman's house that was near where he worked and spending time with her. Those times to times were the evenings he would come home from being with her and accuse me of cheating on him, and then beat me.
Now, since he was accusing me of cheating on him, it never ever crossed my mind that he was cheating on me. Seriously, it did not cross my mind until the very last of our relationship. I also think this was part of the situation he was creating. He was taking out on me the things that he himself
felt guilt for doing. Basically, it was a trap I feel. It was not a daily thing, but it did happen one too many times than it ever should have. The situation was terribly confusing and to be truthful, if there was ever a time that it did cross my mind that he may be cheating on me, I may have been in denial of the situation. It is not like I ever saw anything or anyone came to tell me about the situation. He had the only vehicle and I was stranded at home.
How did I find out about my partner cheating on me? Well, about a week before I knew what was going on between them, this other woman had to move and I suppose had no where to go. He had told her she and her children could move in with us. There was only one bedroom and not enough room as far as I was concerned and I said, 'No'. However, he let her store some of her stuff in an old car
on the property behind the house. She packed as much in that old car as she could with his help. However, before she left she brought in an 8 by 10 color photo of her and her kids and placed it on the bar between the kitchen and living room. I thought this terribly odd and it did not set well with me. It actually made me angry and I made him take it out and put it in the car.
If she had never come to the house or ever brought that photo in it may have taken me longer to realize that they were up to something. But it all seems strange and out of the way. He never let on he was cheating except for the accusations and beatings. While talking to her directly, I'd have
never guessed it. However, I'm one of those get everyone in the same room and talk about it kind of gal. So, one night shortly after, I told him I had to go to the store and then I went to the place that she was now staying and called her out in the yard. She would not come outside to me and then invited me into the house. I think she knew she was due some hair loss and also knew that I had manners enough not to jump her inside
someone else's home. But, what I really wanted was a straight answer.
So, we talked and then once she figured I wasn't upset with her, she was still denying that there was anything going on, she agreed to follow me to my house so we could all sit together and talk about the situation.
Well, how did this situation turn out? Both of them denied that there was anything going on. They talked as if they were both a bit offended that I would consider that they were doing anything behind my back. They kept this pretense up until they really had me convinced that my husband was not cheating on me with her. Obviously, they had already discussed being found out beforehand and they
both held up a united front of innocence.
However, once I felt secure in thinking that I was wrong about the situation. I excused myself to the bathroom inside as we were all out in the yard this whole time. After finishing up, I walked back to the front door and did not see them, I came down the steps and they had walked a bit away from the house. He had his arm around her shoulders as they walked and then he kissed her.
That was it! That was all I needed, I knew they were lying to me then. I told her to get her stuff off the property by the next day or I would burn every piece of it. She did, and that was the end of her as far as I'm concerned.
It took me a few days to be able to get away from him with the help of my family and then he stalked me and raped me twice during the months that I waited for my divorce. Do you know that in the state of Mississippi that a wife is a man's property, just like his dog, cows and tractor?
It is true, I had a judge tell me that in the state of Mississippi if you are married to a man, living with him or not, consenting or not, that I was my husband's property and I could not press rape charges on him even if I did have a divorce in process.
At first he refused to sign the divorce papers, telling me he loved me after all he had put me through. I told him, 'If you do not sign these papers, I will never ever speak to you again.' Believe it or not, it worked. He signed them and did not even show up for court so it was an uncontested
divorce.
Now, if you want to know how to know if your partner is cheating on you, you should listen to that still small voice inside you. Listen to that which your intuition is telling you. Follow your gut instinct. Unfortunately, for me, the confusion of being accused and beaten left me pleading my innocence rather than questioning his guilt. The very, very few times that the thought ever crossed my mind,
I should have been listening and questioning the reason for it.
If
you want to know if your partner is cheating on
you rather than ignore that still small voice, you should consider talking to your partner about the situation. Not accusing them, but talking to them about it.
© 2009 Sara Valor
Original
article: "How
To Know if Your Partner is Cheating - One Female
Perspective" - written
by Sara Valor. You can view her blog here
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