Starting Over

There really is life after divorce

That is right, there really IS. You have probably been told a million times already that in time it will get better, and with more time it will be good again. And they are right. But you have to do some work yourself. Most people that land here are in the First Phase – the Ugly Phase. You may recognize some of these emotions:

Stop the worrying and get the answers you need!

  • loss
  • betrayal
  • confusion
  • broken heart
  • rebound relationships
  • wishing for a different outcome
  • rejection
  • feelings of betrayal
  • resentment and anger
  • loss of friends
  • depression and self doubt
  • isolation
  • shattered life and broken dreams
  • fear of being alone
  • lingering on regret

So what should you do?

We have listed 55 actions you should embrace in order to point your new life in the right direction. Make them yours.

  • take time to heal
  • work on yourself
  • stabilize your life
  • heal your heart
  • silence the inner voice
  • grieve and grow
  • accept that life will be a challenge
  • journal your thoughts and feelings (maybe start a blog)
  • get counseling
  • seek out support
  • exercise and eat nutritious food
  • buy a juice machine and juice – every day
  • is your fear of the future real? realistic?
  • live in the now (read Eckardt Tolle, Buddha)
  • get on with your life – raise your kids
  • find a way of putting one foot in front of the other
  • watch your thoughts – Do not accept the voice that says My life is over or All those years wasted or My dreams are dead. Those thoughts are roadblocks to healing.
  • tell yourself each day that I am okay and I will be much better soon.
  • if you have kids, make new and better relationships with them. You get a second chance.
  • if you have kids, make a new and better relationship with your Ex. Do it for your kids. Their mental health will blossom because if it.
  • permit your kids to talk about it. Reassure them it will get better. DO NOT cast blame.
  • list your resources and obligations and develop a plan of improvement. Mental and physical health.
  • set goals.
  • if you believe that you deserve something (financial security, happiness, health, love, etc.), you probably will achieve them.
  • you are the best parent when you are happy, so do things for yourself. It is not just about them.
  • floss
  • rearrange the decor in your house – furniture, wall decorations – if an item carries bad memories, get a new item (e.g.tooth brush holder, coffee maker, etc.).
  • reinvent yourself – reclaim who you used to be and combine that with a new side of yourself.
  • have courage to be alone –  enjoy the peace that comes with just being with you – embrace the new you
  • take classes – finance, dance, arts and crafts.
  • accept that you are alone when you choose to be, but you do not have to do it all alone.
  • if you chose the mate you divorced, it does not mean your picker is broken. It just needs a new filter.
  • be open to different kinds of people rather than people that are just your type.
  • if you wonder if you will ever love again – stop! You will and it will be a rich and fulfilling relationship if you allow yourself some discovery time.
  • explore why you are attracted to one person (or type of person) and not the next person. What is it that you like? Or dislike?

  • do not be concerned that you will not be able to spot the red flags the next time. You will. They will scream at you.
  • do not think that you are unworthy of love. You are, and someone will tell you so if you listen.
  • be thankful each day for the grace in your life. There are lots less fortunate.
  • put your energy in a favorite cause.
  • list the things that you love, the things that excite you, the things that fulfill you and make you happy.
  • no, the good ones are not all taken. It just seems that way. Many of them made bad choices and are hoping to find a good one. Raise your hand.
  • you will probably have to kiss a few frogs before you meet a Prince.
  • The best baseball players get put out 7 times out of ten. You have the odds in your favor.
  • do not fear another broken heart. You are wiser and better able to read the signs as you travel down the road.
  • if you are in your 30s, you have loads of time to love again for decades.
  • if you are in your 40s, life is only half over. Imagine the second half with your eyes wide open.
  • if you are in your 50s, you can finally enjoy mature relationships and love unfettered by hormones sloshing around.
  • if you are in your 60s, it is not over. Keep your eyes open for kindness and love, the kind you deserve, but you have to watch for it.
  • if you are in your 70s, go rent the movie Cocoon. Active single Seniors often find someone who will make you wish you met them long ago.
  • watch how people treat service workers (wait staff, grocery clerks, dog groomers, etc.). The person you date will treat you like that once the glow wears off.
  • forgive your heart for falling in love and give your heart permission to love again (as long as it is on a long leash for awhile).
  • read Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now and A New Earth – Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose. They will change your life.
  • do not panic – there is a good life waiting for you if you travel the right road.
  • your loss will diminish, your stability will increase, your confidence will grow if you stay focused on what it is that makes you happy. Trust me – that person is out there, and if you are not ready, you could be like two ships passing in the night.
  • if you were married for 10 years or more, you are entitled to half the amount of Social Security your Ex receives. It is the law. Your Ex still gets his or her full share, you are just entitled to 50% if it is more than what your earnings project.
  • get more spiritual – discover a new approach to spirituality and consciousness. Read everything you can from Thich Nhat Hanh.

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