Child Custody and Visitation
Just when emotions are at their highest, couples are asked to address issues around who the children will live with and at what times. They are some of the most difficult aspects of getting divorced, particularly if one parent wants sole legal custody of the child.
Too many people fret over the labels given to various conditions of custody. The labels include
sole custody, joint custody, shared custody, legal custody, physical custody and so forth. Be aware that the terms
and conditions that describe custody in your final divorce decree matter more than the label they receive. This will require you looking up your state's definition of these terms. Read State Laws.
Legal custody of a child means having the right and the obligation
to make decisions about a child's upbringing. A parent with legal custody can make decisions about
schooling, religion, and medical care, for example. In most states, courts regularly award joint legal
custody, which means that the decision making is shared by both parents. The rub with this designation is when a parent tries to, or makes decisions excluding the other parent. The recourse is to take the offending parent back to court to enforce the order. Sadly, most do not do that because of the expense and/or hassle of it all, and tensions build. You might get awarded attorney's fees, but one can't be assured of that.
Physical custody means the right to have the child in your care and live with you. Some states award joint physical custody to both parents when the child spends significant amounts of time with each parent. Joint physical custody works best if parents live relatively near to each other, as it lessens the stress on children and allows them to maintain a somewhat normal routine. The same school (or school district) can make or break a joint physical custody request.
Courts can award sole physical custody where the child lives primarily with one parent and has visitation with the other. This isn't necessarily exclusionary unless the language around the order states that.
One parent can be granted either sole legal custody or sole
physical custody of a child. In situations where one parent is deemed an unfit parent, courts will often award sole legal and sole physical custody. Alcohol or drug abuse, or a new partner can cause this type of custody. In recent years that has been a trend where courts are awarding attempting to expand the fathers role in the children's lives and shy away from sole custody designations. Even when "sole" is awarded, courts can include verbiage that opens the door to greater involvement.
Joint custody (also known as shared custody) is a designation for couples who don't live together but they share the decision-making responsibilities for, and/or physical control and custody of, their children. Joint custody can exist if the parents are divorced, separated, or no longer cohabiting. joint custody can be joint legal custody, joint physical custody (where the children spend a significant portion of time with each parent), or joint legal and physical custody.
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Child Custody
Joint Custody Agreements
When parents share joint custody, they usually work out a child
custody schedule according to their work requirements and living arrangements and the children's needs. In cases where the parents can't come to an agreement, the court will impose a schedule. You can take it to the bank that any Parenting Plan or Child Visitation Schedule that YOU CREATE will satisfy more needs and concerns than a court-imposed shared parenting plan. Judges are, by nature, fair and equitable when ruling on custody, but do you really want to leave that in a stranger's hands? If not, click on the Parenting Plan link above.
A common schedule is to alternate weekends, and the non-custodial parent having one or two evening with the child, possibly including an overnight during the week. Other joint physical custody arrangements can include alternating months, years, or six-month periods, or spending weekends and holidays with one parent, while spending weekdays with the other. There is even a joint custody arrangement where the children remain in the family home and the parents take turns moving in and out, spending their out time in separate housing of their own.
The Yin and Yang of Joint Custody
Joint custody allows the children continuing contact and involvement with both parents, and sometimes
alleviates some of the burdens of parenting for each parent. Negatives might include that children must be shuttled around, an uncooperative or angry parent can cause unneeded duress, and maintaining two homes for the children can get expensive.
Some attorneys suggest you keep records of expenses so that should you be accused of something that
isn't true, you'll have records to show the court.
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Child Custody and Visitation
Too many people fret over the labels given to various conditions of custody. The labels include sole custody, joint custody, shared custody, legal custody, physical custody and so forth. Be aware that the terms and conditions that describe custody in your final divorce decree matter more than the label they receive. This will require you looking up your state's definition of these terms. Read State Laws. Legal custody of a child means having the right and the obligation to make decisions about a child's upbringing. A parent with legal custody can make decisions about schooling, religion, and medical care, for example. In most states, courts regularly award joint legal custody, which means that the decision making is shared by both parents. The rub with this designation is when a parent tries to, or makes decisions excluding the other parent. The recourse is to take the offending parent back to court to enforce the order. Sadly, most do not do that because of the expense and/or hassle of it all, and tensions build. You might get awarded attorney's fees, but one can't be assured of that. Physical custody means the right to have the child in your care and live with you. Some states award joint physical custody to both parents when the child spends significant amounts of time with each parent. Joint physical custody works best if parents live relatively near to each other, as it lessens the stress on children and allows them to maintain a somewhat normal routine. The same school (or school district) can make or break a joint physical custody request. Courts can award sole physical custody where the child lives primarily with one parent and has visitation with the other. This isn't necessarily exclusionary unless the language around the order states that. One parent can be granted either sole legal custody or sole physical custody of a child. In situations where one parent is deemed an unfit parent, courts will often award sole legal and sole physical custody. Alcohol or drug abuse, or a new partner can cause this type of custody. In recent years that has been a trend where courts are awarding attempting to expand the fathers role in the children's lives and shy away from sole custody designations. Even when "sole" is awarded, courts can include verbiage that opens the door to greater involvement. Joint custody (also known as shared custody) is a designation for couples who don't live together but they share the decision-making responsibilities for, and/or physical control and custody of, their children. Joint custody can exist if the parents are divorced, separated, or no longer cohabiting. joint custody can be joint legal custody, joint physical custody (where the children spend a significant portion of time with each parent), or joint legal and physical custody. Joint Custody AgreementsWhen parents share joint custody, they usually work out a child custody schedule according to their work requirements and living arrangements and the children's needs. In cases where the parents can't come to an agreement, the court will impose a schedule. You can take it to the bank that any Parenting Plan or Child Visitation Schedule that YOU CREATE will satisfy more needs and concerns than a court-imposed shared parenting plan. Judges are, by nature, fair and equitable when ruling on custody, but do you really want to leave that in a stranger's hands? If not, click on the Parenting Plan link above. A common schedule is to alternate weekends, and the non-custodial parent having one or two evening with the child, possibly including an overnight during the week. Other joint physical custody arrangements can include alternating months, years, or six-month periods, or spending weekends and holidays with one parent, while spending weekdays with the other. There is even a joint custody arrangement where the children remain in the family home and the parents take turns moving in and out, spending their out time in separate housing of their own. The Yin and Yang of Joint CustodyJoint custody allows the children continuing contact and involvement with both parents, and sometimes alleviates some of the burdens of parenting for each parent. Negatives might include that children must be shuttled around, an uncooperative or angry parent can cause unneeded duress, and maintaining two homes for the children can get expensive. Some attorneys suggest you keep records of expenses so that should you be accused of something that isn't true, you'll have records to show the court. |
Visitation
Visitation is the term that traditionally been assigned to a parents right to spend quality time with their children. The term itself has generated its own controversy because it sometimes creates the impression that the parent merely "visits" with the child, as they were an uncle or a cousin. In recent years courts are using the term "co-parenting" time to describe these times. No matter what term is used, visitation remains more important to children's development than the average parent understands.
Common visitation or parenting times for non custodial parents can be:
- Alternating weekends including 3-day long weekends
- Mid-week visitation that doesn't include an overnight Sharing of the child during periods of school recess -winter, spring and summer
- New Year's Eve, Easter, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with one parent or the other in alternate years
- Father's Day with Dad Mother's Day with the Mom
- Alternate years on the child's birthday
- Electronic contact by the parent who does not have actual physical custody of the child and
- Some miscellaneous days not specified in the decree.
Questions & Answers
Can I move my kids out of state and then get a divorce??
I'm going to leave my wife, my marriage and my home and file for divorce. Is it better to just leave and get settled before I get custody of my kids?
Can a court order a parent to test for drugs when determining child custody?
If I move in with a man in the midst of a custody dispute with my ex, can that have an impact?
My soon to be ex smokes. I have quit. Can I have the court impose restrictions on him?
My husband had our daughter last weekend, and didn't return her on Sunday. I'm frantic. What do I do?
In the divorce, can I have my children's last names changed from my husband's to my married name? I want little to do with him.
Does religion enter into the determination of child custody?
My ex is many months behind on child support. Can I discontinue visitation until he meets his obligations?
I don't see my specific issue addressed here. Is there more information I can read?

