When is a Relationship Over?
by Susan Russo

"What we call the secret to happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life." -Leo Buscaglia

How do you know when your relationship is over? Sometimes it is blatantly obvious such as when you have been left in the dust, dumped for another person, or told straight out that it's over and your partner is leaving.

Other times it isn't so clear. For many this process of ending a relationship can be very confusing and painful. The on again off again phase can wear you out. You make up and break up and it's an ongoing saga. Or, you may be getting mixed signals. Their words don't match their actions. They say one thing but do another.

Until you are both on the same page and working toward the same goal, which is fixing the relationship, you will be in a perpetual state of uncertainty.

Knowing what you want, setting boundaries and clearly communicating with one another is vital in knowing which direction you are heading. If you are the only one trying to make things work and your partner doesn't even want to talk about it, then, you aren't in a relationship, you are walking down a one-way street.

There are times when people will do whatever it takes to stay in a broken relationship just to avoid being alone. Even if it means being miserable. If you find yourself making excuses for intolerable behaviors, accepting the unacceptable and you continue to stay when you know you should leave. It's time to accept that more than likely your relationship may not be over but it should be.

A relationship is over when both partners have exhausted all attempts of truly trying to put things back together. It's over when all of the crying, therapy, talking, begging, pleasing, compromising, bending over backwards, wishing and hoping doesn't seem to help and you find yourself at the end of your rope.

Unless the two of you can find a way to make things work, it's not worth spending a lifetime trying to fix something that isn't fixable. Sometimes it's time to open your eyes to the possibility that things simply aren't going to work out and it's time to move on.

You know when your relationship is over. When one or both of your quit trying, quit caring or you quit wanting to try to make it work out. It's a hard pill to swallow but if you are in a relationship and you are unhappy most of the time, then it's time to ask yourself if this is really how you want to live the rest of your life.

The temporary pain you will feel when healing from a broken heart is a lot less painful than a lifetime of pain that goes along with living in misery.

Warm wishes…Susan

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