Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
by Susan Russo

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." -Erica Jong

All relationships have their ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses. Nothing in life is perfect. But, we find our place along the way by accepting the good with the bad and dealing with the cards that are dealt us in the best way we can.

We all know that no one is ever "always right" or "always wrong." We learn to compromise, we learn to say we're sorry, and we learn when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

We all make mistakes and hopefully we learn from them.

When you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is a real partner; you work through all of the "stuff" that happens along the way. You are a team with a mutual commitment. Respect for each other and a common direction will get you beyond the tough times.

Many couples start out this way but eventually find their lives going in different directions. They may lose the connection with one another and they can't seem to communicate no matter how hard they try.

There are many times these downward phases can be overcome; typically when both people want to work it out. And there are times that one partner grows distant from the other and you find yourself in a one-way relationship.

When one partner wants to work it out and the other doesn't; you find yourself in an emotional quandary. When you are doing everything to make it work and your partner is doing everything to tear it apart is the time you begin to ask yourself some very difficult questions.

We aren't talking about the normal up and downs here. We are talking about an overwhelming feeling that your life as you knew it with this person is slipping away and no matter what you do the outcome is painful.

If you are in a relationship and asking yourself if you should stay or go; the mere fact that you are asking this question is your answer.

Everyone's circumstances are different. But, if you find yourself crying, feeling bad, and wondering if this is all there is the majority of the time; then you are more than likely in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship.

When was the last time you heard someone who was in a happy, loving relationship ask, "I wonder if I should leave?" Feeling bad most of the time is a wake-up call that something is wrong.

Begin to trust that your feelings are warning signals to protect you against pain.

If you are in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship desperately trying to work things out all by yourself; you are going down a dead-end street. If you are in a relationship struggling with the normal ups and downs and you both want things to work, by all means keep working at it; you'll be happy you did.

You need to get very clear on what it is you want out of life.

If you are getting your needs met; great! If not, you need to tell yourself the truth about the kind of relationship you are in and then make some hard decisions.

Life is simply too long to live in a miserable, unhealthy relationship.

Once you are brutally honest with yourself about the reality of your relationship is the time that you will be able to answer the question, "Should I stay or should I go?"

Warm wishes…Susan

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