Who Dictates Your Happiness?
by Susan Russo

"The one thing you can't take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one's freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given situation." - Victor Frankl

Is it always someone or something that causes us to be unhappy? Or, is it you? Every day is a new experience and you never know what is awaiting you around the corner. You may have every intention on having a good day but your boss doesn't have the same agenda and takes it out on you.

Or, there you are skipping along down the road when some situation or someone knocks you off of your feet. Be it a partner who puts you down with a mean comment, a lover who leaves you without a clue as to why, a fender bender, you lose something valuable, an unforeseen expense occurs or whatever uncomfortable "thing" that rocks your world.

How is it that the foundation of who we are and what character we possess is so shaken when these temporary situations arise that they dictate are happiness?

Look, nobody likes to experience hurt and pain or deal with conflicts and adversities in life but that's life. What are you going to do hide under a rock so you never get hurt? We are all dealt a new hand of cards every day, but what's more important than the cards you are dealt is how you play the game.

I went to a football game with a friend once who just got a brand new Porsche. He was so excited about his new car, it was a dream come true. When we came back to the parking lot to go home someone had kicked in the door of his car!

I couldn't believe it and I felt so bad. Well, that wasn't the reaction my friend had. He said something like people can be such jerks, where do you want to go next? I said, "Are you kidding? I feel so bad what are we going to do?" He said, "What can we do? We're going to have a drink somewhere because it's no big deal, I will just get it fixed, now don't worry about it and let's go have fun!"

I was so taken back by his lack of upset that I kept asking, "Aren't you upset?" He proceeded to teach me a very valuable lesson. He said, "What good will does it do me to be upset? I will get it fixed, it will look like new but being upset won't help it get fixed." He went on to say, "Why should I let some jerks' behavior ruin my day?"

But what I see happen so often is people allow others rejection of them, cruelty, heartlessness, selfishness and downright mean behavior not only dictate whether or not they will be happy but worse they allow it to define who they are.

When other people's actions create some kind of upset in your life you can either let it ruin your day or you can understand it's them and not you. It has no reflection on you as a person and speaks volumes about their character.

Let's say you are in a relationship with someone and they leave you, of course it hurts but does it define your who you are? For many it does. It undermines their very foundation which is where people go wrong. Does it make you less of a person? If you were a good cook before they left, are you not now? Are you not as funny? Does your ability to speak 2 languages suddenly have no value? Etc.

So often people will allow an uncomfortable turn of events to unravel their self worth and dictate whether or not they are going to be happy going forward. HELLO! This is your wake-up call. No one or nothing has the power to determine what your attitude will be, but you.

One of my favorite books, Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, who spent three years in the concentration camps states it perfectly, we can't avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it.

You can choose to allow others dictate whether you are happy or not and define who you are or you decide how you are going to live your life regardless of what they do and how they act. Life is long so live it well!

Warm wishes…Susan

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