Few issues about divorce get the pulse racing like child support and alimony. Perhaps its because they are topics that aren't spoken about out in the open, and are discussed in whispers or through clenched teeth. Perhaps it's because they are discussed in the midst of pain, and many of us don't want to "pry". Knowledge is peace of mind, and the more information one has about the process, the less anxiety about the future.

Child support is regulated by the individual states and their respective divorce laws. There is more uniformity across the states than there are differences. Most states created these guidelines to maintain eligibility for federal funding of the child support enforcement program which came about as the Family Support Act of 1988. All states hold that the 'best interests of the child' prevail and over-ride all other concerns. In the last few decades, all 50 states and Puerto Rico have adopted certain formulas or guidelines for paying child support, and those guidelines appear in each state's divorce statutes. Those three formulas are: 1. Income Shares- Not without controversy, the Income Shares method of computing child support has been embraced by 37 states. It is a formula that in theory uses estimates of the cost of raising children using government-released figures. Income Shares aims to use both parents incomes, compute the percentage each parent's income contributes to the whole, and as a percentage of the overall amount, assign amounts. 2. Percentage % of Obligor Income- also known as the Wisconsin model. Ten states use this method. Narrower in focus than Income Shares, 'Percent-of-Income' bases amounts on the non-custodial's income. 3. Delaware-Melson-Applies parents' income to a formula but in deference to the above two methods allows for the "ability to pay" in the equation. Three states use this method. Note: Massachusetts uses a hybrid of the above methods.

Alimony describes payments made by one ex-spouse to the other. In some states this is called maintenance or spousal support. Not many states have alimony laws on the books, leaving courts to be guided more by case law and precedent. The last few decades saw more states and their courts become more willing to grant long-term alimony for long-term marriages, although in recent years that trend seems to be reversing itself. The majority of states and their courts prefer to grant alimony in cases where one spouse is economically disadvantaged by the divorce and needs rehabilitative maintenance over a shorter period of time; the purpose being to allow the less self-sufficient person to become self-supporting over a specific period of time through education or special training. Alimony is also more common in situations where one parent wishes to stay home to care for children for a specific period of time.

Questions and answers that may help to clarify the issues:

In the absence of an agreement by you and your spouse, your particular state has child support guidelines that courts are directed to follow. It's important to note you and your spouse can reach agreements so the court doesn't have to. As the saying goes, the state has a plan if you don't. Occasionally the courts make orders outside the guidelines. The most immediate way to get answers and amounts would be to use an on-line child support calculator. Check your state's handling of child support guidelines here

Yes, courts will agree to unusual agreements if it views the agreement(s) as being in the best interest of the children and addresses all needs and concerns. An example of this would be where parents agree to share equally their time with their children. Parents can agree on special expenses (tutors, private schools, travel, etc) that impact the exchange of money. Prove to the court that your children's best interest is served, and you're good to go.

Yes, most everyone is in agreement that as children age, their needs change. They tend to require more financial assistance (child support). Activities and dress often make up the bulk of these changes. The guidelines determined by your state will dictate how often child support can be adjusted. Most states have that provided for on their state web pages. Do a Google search for your state's child support agency. Some couples agree to mediate any child support adjustments in the future.

The age at which child support payments terminate depends on the state you live in and its guidelines. New York is age 21, Georgia is age 18 or high school graduation whichever occurs first, Pennsylvania is also age 18 or high school graduation, whichever happens first. Colorado on the other hand has age 19 as the age of emancipation. Massachusetts is 23 if still going to school. Speak with your attorney if you wish other details in your agreement (e.g. military, move away, etc.).

To our knowledge no state requires that you document where you spend child support monies. These payments are intended to cover expenses, which include household expenses such as food, rent/mortgage, electricity and other general expenses. Some suggest you do keep some record of that income and expenses so that you know what received child support does and does not cover.

Check with your attorney to determine if your state makes provision for this (not all do). You may need to 'negotiate' these details if it isn't mandated by your state child support statutes. Having your (being the ex-spouse) health benefits maintained is often less likely than for the kids, so you may wish to begin exploring alternatives. Keep in mind that if they are covered by insurance, you are negotiating what insurance doesn't pay.

It depends on whether your state's child support statutes cover that or not. In many cases states require the higher wage earner to pay insurance premiums and a larger proportion of expenses not covered by insurance. Your agreement should address future dental care (orthodontia) and other potential medical needs (e.g. psychiatrists, psychotherapists) or any other area of healthcare.

If you two can't agree on this right away, you can request a temporary order from the court directing your spouse to pay for day care. You will need to to negotiate this issue though, for the future. If you can't agree and there is no temporary order, child care would likely be suspended and whatever damage comes from that will result.

The court order that becomes your divorce decree requires that you pay a certain amount periodically. You cannot change that unless you negotiate it beforehand and have it specified in your agreement. Remember that expenses still occur at the children's primary home even though they are with you.

This is an issue where state divorce laws, if any, will have on this issue. If you don't reach an agreement in writing before the divorce decree, any participation by your ex is voluntary and unpredictable. Consider agreeing to open accounts (UGMA, amount each year.

Your state guidelines as set forth in divorce laws will determine that. It is usually the case that the custodial parent bears the brunt of the expenses for the children, and receives the child support from the other spouse. remember, the custodian is contributing too. There are odd instances where the custodian pays the non- custodian. Illinois requires such treatment. Check with your attorney.

The majority of states require that you pay under this scenario. It presumes there are more expenses there at the primary residence (clothing, activities etc.) The theory is that the child's life should resemble their life prior to the divorce as much as possible. If you make significantly more money than your ex, that too will prompt you paying under your scenario.

Technically, the answer is no. If he died intestate, your kids would be immediate heirs. Otherwise, you should be sure some provision is made in the divorce agreement. Life insurance is one way, and you'll need to agree who pays what and for how long. Another consideration would be requiring child support be met by one's estate by will.

In general, states treat the children from a previous marriage as primary considerations when one has children by two or more women. This does not relieve him of responsibility, however. He will pay a somewhat smaller percentage than one without a prior family, but he will be required to pay. An on-line child support calculator should answer the 'how much' question.

Maybe. Get an agreement that she will accept less in writing from her. There can be a period of less cooperation in the future, and your ex might claim you owe the difference. Be specific. Do you still owe the difference? Remember that the court order is the ordered amount you must pay unless your ex agrees to less.

Remarriage is frequently a concern during mediation or divorce proceedings. You can mediate an alternative plan in the event of remarriage, or you can agree to mediate another one in the future. Your state may require modification if a remarriage occurs and there are children from it. Have your lawyer explain the impact of a second family. Some former spouses are shocked when support goes down when their former partner has children in a subsequent family.

His situation at work doesn't change his child support obligation or amount paid. If he asks you to accept lower amounts, that's your choice to make. He may not ask, and simply file a motion for an adjustment, at which time you can agree or contest it. If he is found to have reduced his income intentionally to have child support lowered, he can be made to continue the higher amount.

He will be required to produce records that state and prove his income. In most cases it will be you and your attorney's decision to accept his claim to income, or contest it. If you contest it, you will be forced to litigate it, causing additional expense that you may or may not recover. Weigh your options carefully with your attorney.

Be careful about agreeing to it in writing. You can always do more, or pay more, without it in writing. Life changes, as do our lives. Your situation may change, preventing you from making the extra effort, and would require a trip back to court to amend your agreement.

In most states, you really have two choices here with respect to consistent child support payments. You can expect and demand the amount determined by your state's child support guidelines, or you can agree to take less. If you agree to take less, it might be as a percentage of income with a minimum built in. You don't have to negotiate however. Hold firm on the child support laws or be open to negotiation. It's your choice.

The only way that paying more than is required could be considered paying forward your obligation is if your ex agrees to that, and again, if it is in writing, you're covered. most custodial parents don't accept such an offer though, as the extra child support rarely goes unspent.

Alimony, also called maintenance in some states, is money paid by one spouse to the other after a divorce for the purpose of financial support. Husbands as well as wives are sometimes appropriate candidates for alimony. The incidences of alimony appear to be decreasing with time. many reasons could account for this. Alimony is intended to support the dependent person until they can can become independent. Some states, like Texas, require 10 years of marriage before alimony is considered. Most states do not have that strict rule, however.

Marital misconduct, as a general rule, does not impact alimony or property division. Some states and some judges give it some weight, but most do not. Ask your lawyer what impact his infidelity can have on proceedings.

First one needs to determine ones ability to pay alimony, and how much. Without respect to marital misconduct, you should consider the assets and income of you both, your earning capacities, how long your marriage lasted, the age of your children and if special considerations need to be addressed, how taxes will impact you both (remember, alimony is taxable to the recipient). Any pre-nups or marital agreements you may have. Oddly, most courts have no alimony statutes to rely on, and must use case law as guidance.

It's going to depend on your state and its divorce laws. Most states allow for the termination of alimony at a re-marriage. Some permit termination of alimony if the recipient co-habits with someone. Get this covered by your lawyer.

We presume you mean drastically lower. Remember that the alimony obligation is part of a court order, and unless you two have made provision (in writing) for this event, you'll need to reach an agreement now. You can sit on your hands and he'll have to pay the same alimony amount unless he petitions the court for lower payments.

The answer to your first question is no, there is no certainty. In most cases it ends when the ex dies, unless you have a constructive agreement in writing, or he has made provisions in his will. Considerations can be life insurance policies or insurance annuities that get created at death to fund payments to you. See a financial planner for more detail.

The IRS considers alimony a tax deduction to the person who pays alimony, and taxable income to the recipient of alimony.

Too many variables. Few states (Texas is a notable exception) require by statute that a marriage be a minimum of 10 years for alimony to be considered. Some states consider the marriage over at the filing for divorce. Most alimony is awarded based on case law (previous cases) so a local attorney would be knowledgeable about how local judges rule.